


As Light Chases the Night

by magnusbaene



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Finding safety in a single person, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, the violence isnt actually that graphic but im not taking any chances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-05 03:47:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10296776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnusbaene/pseuds/magnusbaene
Summary: Alec's feet pound on the floor of the Institute, steps echoing in the halls. His breath comes heavy, air being forced into his lungs against its will. He feels like the walls are closing in on him as he runs and runs and yet is wading through water, rounding corner after corner. Once in a while, he sees Magnus, standing just a few feet away. But every time he tries to call out to him, the words stay stuck in his throat. Knives are lodged in his mouth, leaving his shouts blood soaked and broken.___A nightmare leaves Alec shaken as he wakes up in Magnus' loft.Based on the prompt: "Malec + Alec dreaming of losing Magnus so he won't let Magnus leave the house because he was so worried"





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written during an anxiety-induced mood, so i apologize in advance.  
> (There's comfort at the end, don't worry)

Alec's feet pound on the floor of the Institute, steps echoing in the halls. His breath comes heavy, air being forced into his lungs against its will. He feels like the walls are closing in on him as he runs and runs and yet is wading through water, rounding corner after corner. Once in a while, he sees Magnus, standing just a few feet away. But every time he tries to call out to him, the words stay stuck in his throat. Knives are lodged in his mouth, leaving his shouts blood soaked and broken.

Then, suddenly, Magnus is there, lying on the ground. Alec skitters to a stop, falling to his shaking knees. Cradling Magnus' body to his chest, he sees his eyes open, golden hues illuminating the oppressing darkness of the hall. There's blood spluttering out of Magnus' mouth, and Alec wants to say something, wants to tell him what he has been longing to say for so long. But he can't, numbness is soaking into his mouth and the words just won't take form.

Silence stretches across his world. Weighing down on his heart and his soul. A quiet cruelty, to use the calmness Alec finds comfort in like a weapon against him.

Without the noises to drown out his thoughts, Alec feels the whole world press down on him, feels his every worry, every burden find their place on his shoulders again. The world shifts as he realises that Magnus will die without knowing that- he can't prevent the sobs from building in his chest, can't stop the tears that run down his face and burn his skin. Trembling hands bring the body of the man he loves closer to him. Eyes roam the redness spread out on the floor. All that was left of the blood that had once flowed through Magnus' veins now clasped in Alec's shaking fingers.

Without warning, Magnus grabs his arm. His mouth moving, murmurs reaching Alec's ears. Quickly, he leans down, bracing his arms on either side of Magnus' broken body.

"If you hadn't left me alone...none of this would have happened."

The words slice right through Alec's heart. Rip his soul in half, and leave it coated in blood. He is heaving now, like the air refuses to enter his body as long as Magnus' is rejecting it. With desperation, Alec drags the words out of his throat, "I didn't know!"

"You knew enough."

Gripped with helpless anguish, Alec watches Magnus' last breath leave his lungs, watches his chest still. Frantically, Alec grasps at his body, trying to hold him together somehow, but Magnus sinks right through his fingers. His body shaking, there's nothing Alec can do but cry, and claw at the ashes lying before him.

"No,nononono, please. Magnus, I love you. Please, you have to know that, please. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIlo-"

 

As if struck by lightening, Alec slams upright from the bed. Heavy gasps leave his lungs as he tries to calm down his racing heart and sweat soaked body.

_It was just a dream._

Realisation hits him like freezing water. But peace doesn't reach his mind. His head finds its way into his hands, and the words like a mantra out of his mouth: "He's alive, you found him, you told him, he's safe, he's alive." Still, Alec feels his heart beating like it wants to leave his chest, claw its way out until it can reach its destination. So he turns to Magnus' side of the bed, intending to bury himself into his boyfriend's side but all he finds is-

nothing.

Emptiness, where he expected Magnus' body to be. Bile rises to the back of his throat as he pushes down the burning desire to cry. There's a numbness creeping up his veins, and it takes all of Alec's willpower to push it back down, bury it in the recesses of his mind. He can't afford to feel this way, his life is not the one in question. His own wellbeing has never been his priority, and he would weather a lifetime of pain if it kept the heart whose beating could lessen the pounding in his head thrumming. Breathless, Alec stumbles from the bed, legs tangling in the sheets. He can distinctly make out the words that his mind supplies him with. Downworld, clients, busy. But he feels his heart bleeding like an open wound in his chest. Overwhelmed and with trembling limbs, he makes it to the door of Magnus' bedroom.

There is light streaming through the windows, a light breeze coming through the open doors of the balcony. Even the warmth the sun brings into the room can't chase away the cold from Alec's soul. There are tremors moving through every part of his body, the sweat on his skin leaving a biting chill in its wake.

The shaking in his legs increases, the walls cave in. The oppressing silence of the Institute seeps into the loft, forcing Alec to lean his entire weight against the doorway. His eyes are frantically sweeping the room but there is nothing but desolation for them to find. Alec is wheezing, his hand moving to his throat, each breath like poison tainting all life inside of him. He can't speak, _he can't speak_. The world shifts, blackness threatens to overwhelm him, and his vision is hit with the creeping shadow that comes with the loss of his heart.

 

Then a hand closes on his arm.

 

Sensation crashes into him like waves on a shore. His eyes are wild, seeking. Suddenly he's back on the steps of the Institute. With energy he didn't know he still possessed, he turns. Follows the hand back to its owner. Up, up, up, until he sees the sun staring right back at him.

Oxygen floods his lungs for what feels like the first time in his entire life. His senses, his feelings all move towards a single focal point. The one point where all light meets and from which the rays of sunlight hail.

The whole world stops moving when he sees Magnus. And it is perhaps the most beautiful sight he has ever seen. Even though he is distinctly aware of Magnus' mouth moving, the frown on his face, the way his hands bury into his own shoulders, he can only focus on the way his life glows before him. The way the light catches on Magnus' cheekbones, the way his goatee stretches around his mouth as he talks. Then, he is hit with a burning need for comfort. Before him stands his source of safety. The realisation that this warmth is the one he craves more than anything right now, prompts him into moving.

Without hesitation, but with renewed energy, he grabs Magnus and pushes their bodies together. His face sinks into Magnus' neck, breathes him in. The arms around him tighten, and in his haze he hears Magnus murmur words into his ear, feels kisses being pressed into his hair.

 

_I'm here, we're safe, you're in my loft and we're safe, I love you, I love you, I love you_

 

There's wetness on his cheek, and it is only then that he becomes aware of his own tears, of the sobs echoing through the air. Without warning, his feet leave the ground as Magnus heaves him up, strong arms pressing into his thighs as he wraps them around Magnus' waist. Moments later, he is pushed back down onto the bed. Yet he clings to Magnus, desperate to keep him in place, to let the weight pressing down on him fuse his soul back together. Suddenly, words start pouring out of his mouth as if all his voice was waiting for was to feel Magnus' heart beat against his. "Don't leave, please don't leave. I love you, please Magnus don't leave me."

He feels kisses on his cheeks, hands on his face, words whispered into his skin.

"I will never leave you, love. I won't leave you, I promise. I love you."

 

They stay like this until Alec's sobs subside. Minutes, maybe hours, until the breaths that fill his lungs no longer feel like blades dragging down his throat. Until the silence becomes comforting again, Magnus' presence wrapping around him and filling him with warmth. Magic sends a gentle burn into the air, soaking into Alec's skin. A deep sigh escapes his mouth, his limbs melt into the bed. Slowly, he turns his head, and sees golden eyes stare back at him.

"Magnus." The word escapes his mouth like a prayer. An overwhelming sense of peace creeps up his legs and settles in his chest when the events of the day finally catch up to him. A dream. A nightmare. Magnus was safe, in his arms.

Magnus hums, kissing his brow, his cheek, his lips. The goatee drags across his skin, grounding Alec in reality. It is clear that there is distress colouring the sides of Magnus' mouth, but he seems determined to drown Alec in as much calmness as he can muster.

"You're okay."

"Of course I am," a hand is dragged through his hair, soothing away his worries and his fears. Their eyes don't leave each other, gazes full of love. Foreheads pressed together, Magnus rubs his nose against Alec's. Which causes a smile to bloom across the boy's face.

"Of course you are," he chuckles.

"How could I not be?" Moving down, Magnus' hand reaches into the pocket of his dress pants. He drags something back up their bodies, only to hold it up for Alec to see. Japanese symbols catch his gaze and-

Alec sucks in a sharp breath. Hand grasping at the omamori he gave to Magnus just weeks ago. The fact that something so small, so insignificant could mean so much to him, fills him with emotions he has never before felt in his life. "You were there to protect me, after all."

 

With tears gathering at the corners of his eyes, he grabs Magnus' face and presses their mouths together. Pours his love, his wonder, every single thing Magnus has ever made him feel into the kiss. Their bodies slot together like puzzle pieces, lost and found. Alec's heart feels like _bursting_. Like his entire being is overflowing with love, spilling over the edges of his soul. This is it, he thinks, this is _home_. And tries to push as much of it back into Magnus' body.

Dragging the breath from Magnus' mouth, Alec sighs, serenity seeping into his bones. "I didn't know."

 

"That's okay."

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are of course appreciated.  
> Also, come yell at me on [Tumblr](http://magnusbaene.tumblr.com) :)


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